The events of the last month have shaken the Virgin Islands community to its core. On September 4th, we were devastated by the news of 20-year old Keoner Baron‘s murder at the hands of a former partner. Twenty days later came the case of missing 19-year old Miya Marcano, who had been kidnapped from the safety of her own apartment by a man suspected to have made repeated advances toward her despite having been rejected.
In a tragic irony, Miya’s body was discovered one week later: on the day of Keoner Baron’s memorial.
The community has found mutual ground in its grief over the lives of two bright young women, both at the start of their adult lives, both with ties to the VI and Caribbean communities, and both victims of different circumstances of gender-based violence.
For many Virgin Islanders, the outrage and shock have been overwhelming. For Virgin Islands women, these two stories are the nightmares-come-to-life that we have spent our entire lives narrowly avoiding. A man’s violent reaction after having his advances rejected. An ex-partner’s threats and harassment turned fatal. The constant hyperawareness of ever-present danger.
In response to both tragic deaths, many well-intentioned community members have come forward with recommendations and safety tips for women to follow. Tips they believe could help women live safer lives and better prepare for any incidents of violence.
“Change your apartment locks.”
“Don’t sit in the car too long.”
“Buy a gun.”
“Share your location.”
However well-intentioned these tips may be, they are falling on already-prepared ears. In a survey of female Virgin Islands born twitter users, 73% of percent of the 114 who responded stated that they have had conversations with their families about personal safety. 85% of those women stated that their day-to-day routine regularly involves habits like checking their back seats, sharing their GPS locations with friends, and only wearing one headphone ear pod for the sake of being alert and protected.
The survey also posed the question of whether or not these women had ever faced violence from a man after rejecting his romantic advances: 80% percent of respondents stated that they have. 62% percent also stated that they are afraid to travel alone because of threats against their safety presented by men.
Trust me y’all. Women are careful. We are careful.
— 👸🏾 (@niquadhaboss) September 27, 2021
MEN NEED TO LEAVE WOMEN ALONE. I said what I said.
We know that the community means well. We know the rules. We know the tips and have followed them with painstaking accuracy our entire lives. So our burning question to the community who so claims to love us and fears for our safety is this: when will you begin talking to men about gender-based violence?
An analysis of FBI data released in 2018 reveals that for every femicide (murder of a female) where the relationship between the victim and their perpetrator could be linked, 92% of those cases involved women or girls killed by a male they knew.
This same data revealed that Black women and girls are being murdered by male perpetrators at a rate three times higher than that of white women. As the youth may say, “the call is coming from INSIDE the house,” beloved: the violence is coming from WITHIN our own communities.
The deaths of Miya Marcano and Keoner Baron are heartbreaking additions to a list of Virgin Islands women murdered by men both at home and abroad. Yet, the conversations in the aftermath of these incidents always tend to be directed at women and how much more responsibility we should be taking in the face of violence we never asked for.
Our community is long overdue for an honest conversation about its overwhelming tendency to victim-blame women who face violent crimes like sexual assault, physical assault, kidnapping, and murder instead of addressing the overwhelming percentage of men who are perpetrators of these crimes. These aren’t just isolated incidents of two men who acted in a way that’s never been seen before. We live in a world and a society that directly enables men to cross those boundaries with women’s safety, and then presents women with no systems in which to seek adequate justice or respite from that danger. It’s time for us all to turn to the men in our lives in order to call out both obvious violent behavior and inappropriate actions that could cross boundaries.
Is this article meant to “blame” all men for the actions of the men responsible for these violent acts? No. However, we all can take part in reducing violence against women by taking small steps such as:
-
Talking to children at a young age about consent and the importance of accepting the word “no.”
-
Correcting and “calling in” male friends who repeat their advances or become inappropriate after being rejected.
-
Having casual conversations with male friends and relatives about the struggles with personal safety that women face.
-
Correcting our friends who display violent behavior in their relationships instead of being entertained by it.
-
Hosting community conversations about victim-blaming and rape culture to promote more educated discourse on these topics.
As this community processes the tragic losses of Miya, Keoner, and dozens of other women who have lost their lives to gender-based violence, we owe it to ourselves and to these victims to face the reality of who perpetuates this violence. Only then can we begin a real path to healing and, someday, prevent violence against women altogether.
